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| Wow. So I have a sort of story to tell...
Once upon a time, there was a Princess, and this Princess had a
weakness that was also her greatest strength. She cared about people
with all her heart. This also meant that she did not always take care
of herself because she hated letting people down. If someone was in
need, she ran to their side even if that meant she had to give up
something for herself.
So this is the reason for our story now. For the Princess had worn
herself down to the few pieces of energy she had left. She would break
down in tears for no reasons apparent to her and then would cry just
because she couldn't find a reason for crying. It was a tangled web of
emotions. The Princess had promised many different people in the
kingdom that she would be there for them or do something for them. And
she also had her own responsibilities. The problem was that she didn't
have time for her own needs. She ate and slept, but then she would
rush off to help with the children in her kingdom or she would rush off
to discuss important matters with kingdom advisers. But what about
her? She never had time for herself.
One day, after three very long days of helping with the children, the
Princess was ready to break. She rushed off to attend a meeting which
would be only the beginning of her day of meetings. She knew it had to
be done, but it felt like nothing ever stopped. It felt like she never
stopped.
The Princess was exhausted.
Then, something happened, her Father, the King intervened. He
instructed the advisers to have a laid back meeting. So they did.
Then, he asked the next adviser (whose meeting the Princess had not yet
gone to) to cancel. She complied to the King's orders. He then
instructed various citizens in the kingdom to not allow the Princess to
help them. He explained that she had important matters to attend, and
they knew as much as him that she would ignore such matters if someone
was in need. Finally, he called forth his magicians and asked them to
create a perfect day with the weather. It seems silly that the weather
would be part of such a plan, but it was because the King knew it would
make the Princess happy.
When the Princess left her first meeting, she felt better. When she
learned the second meeting was canceled, she began to look for people
to help as she had planned to do with the rest of her day, but no one
sought her help. It was then that the Princess ran into her Father.
He told her to go home. He could take care of the few areas where
others needed help. The Princess was not going to argue with the
King. So she left. As she stepped outside, she stepped into a fairy
tale world. One that was covered in soft, pure, white snow. It was
not muddied by carriages. It was beautiful. And the snow that fell
was like a dream. There was no wind so the snow just felt. (Imagine a
snow globe after you shake it. That is how the snow fell.) The
Princess began to cry, but not because she was overwhelmed with
responsibility but overwhelmed with joy. Her Father had done all of
this for her.
"Oh Daddy, thank you." She told him and kissed his cheek.
He smiled back at her and said, "My darling Daughter, you must take
care of yourself also. I could rearrange your schedule every time you
scheduled too much, but that would not do you any good in the long
run. You would become spoiled. And I love to spoil you, but I do not
want you to become spoiled."
"I know, Papa. I have done too much again. I'm sorry. I just can't
seem to think sometimes about myself. It feels selfish. I have so
much I want to give others." She said with a sigh.
"Yes, my dear," He said with a smile. "but you are just as important
as others. You do have much, but some you must keep for yourself. It
is not selfish. I gave all this to you for you to use for others and
for yourself. So be sure not to give it all away."
The Princess smiled weakly. She knew he was right. As they were
talking, the Princess realized that the snow had stopped. That was
ok. She did not need the snow anymore. But replacing the snow was the
most beautiful blue sky the Princess could remember. It was a typical
blue sky to anyone else, but to the Princess, it seemed to symbolize
light breaking through in the gray of her own hectic life. The bright
blue spread throughout the Princess and she felt incredible.
"Daddy, you did this for me?" she asked, already knowing his answer.
"Yes, my Princess, I did. And don't ask why because you know why. I
love you. I want to do all that I can to make you happy, and I knew
that this would work."
"Thank you, Daddy," the Princess said with a smile. And said no more. She just knew that was enough.
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Every once in a while, I will find myself in this mood that I can't
quite put a finger on. Nostalgia doesn't cut it, but it's the best
word I can think of. In truth, the feeling is not a regret of things
lost although I believe that a piece of it is. But more than that,
it's hope. Deep inside, as I think of past and present friendships, I
hope that they are still there. I wonder to myself, "Could we pick up
where we left off? Has it been too long?"
Honestly, there are sometimes when I feel like I have pushed away every
friend I have known not through insults or cold shoulders, but just
through not trying. It's as if I just get tired sometimes and in those
times of fatigue, I allow friends to be the first sacrifice I give up.
Maybe it has something to do with the small piece of introvert in me,
but I think it's more. I never want to lose friends, I'm heartbroken
sometimes when I do. But I also have this deep desire to be wanted.
I get lonely in my house. There are some that would tell me to branch
out and make friends with classmates--which I do. But there is
something that makes it all so much easier when you live in a dorm.
You don't have to make so much of an effort. You can just walk right
next door. For me, I'm not sure that I want to get to know my
neighbors. That may sound mean, but it's true. I only have one year
in this neighborhood and I have only two years in this town. Yes, I
want to form friendships, but with everything that goes on in my life
right now, it isn't enough time for me.
I have strayed from my original intent of writing though. I do not
wish to discuss future friends. I want to talk about past friends.
People I have met along the way. I love them all. My heart is tied to
each of them. Some know me more than others. Some I know I can cry
with and some I know that I will not be short on laughs with. Some
friends fill me with hope and others fill me with energy, but they all
fill me. I am glad. How blessed I am to have friends who fill and
don't drain.
My hope though is that although some friends I see only once in a long
long while, I want them to remain as dear in my heart, and I believe
they will. I also hope I hold that same place in their heart, no
matter how far away I am. Because all of my friends mean the world to
me.
Thanks. I love you guys.
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| Hey guys,
So I've now finished two weeks in grad school and I'd say that's a good place to give an update. I've learned that grad school isn't too bad in comparison to regular college--there is a lot more expected of you because you're a graduate student. You're expected to take even more responsibility and grades are based on only a few assignments so you must do good when those are available. Procrastinating is possible but I don't recommend it.
As for my house, Things are settling down and I am enjoying myself although I do get bored. So feel free to drop by. Adam has my address and directions to my house. :) Or if you don't want to talk to him, feel free to ask me. I am worried about money though. The government only allows me to get a maximum of $10,250 in loans each semester which after paying tuition, leaves me with all of $1,000 to pay for rent, books, gas, food, electric, and so much more. I know that God takes care of us if we trust him, but I have to admit that I am a little stressed about everything.
My job hasn't started yet because they're still checking references and I can't schedule reffing for volleyball until I have my work schedule. So I may have paid $40 for an official's license I won't even use this year. Wow great job Kali. I really just need to know about my job so I can finally feel like I'm not living off of the last dollars I have to my name.
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| k guys, this is it. Tomorrow, I leave home in order to move in to my house with Abby. I'm very excited, but it also is a funny feeling leaving home knowing that it'll just be a place you visit from now on. But yeah, I just wanted to say bye to those I'm leaving behind and let those I'll be moving closer to--and anyone really--that you are welcome to visit me any time. I will give you the addy if you e-mail me. :)
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| This day is going so slow.........and I'm at work. Well, that is not my main reason for writing, although I know many of you wanted to know that piece of information. Actually, I'm writing to let all who don't know that... I GOT IN TO GRAD SCHOOL! Yes, I am excited. My hopeful plans are that I will be living with Abby in an apartment near campus. I also need a job--which is hard to look for when you work every day during normal work hours...so maybe I'll have to find a contact e-mail. I just like calling better--more forward I guess. Anyways, I will be living in Muncie, and anyone is welcome to visit--just give me a heads up so I'm not gone when you do visit. Maybe we'll have a party to celebrate my first apartment EVER! :D k, yeah, i'm pretty stoked about this. but I should get back to work now............ | | |
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